


Five going on Four

by kopperblaze



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Alternate Universe, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, No Spoilers, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:47:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25674565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kopperblaze/pseuds/kopperblaze
Summary: Diego had a lot of nightmares. And a lot of worries and a lot of anxiety, really. Growing up on the Umbrella Academy and time travelling to prevent the apocalypse - twice - tended to do that to a person.However, he could faithfully say that none of his nightmares had ever included his brother showing up at his doorstep in the middle of the night, clutching a crying child in his arms.Or:The one where Klaus and Diego find themselves as unlikely parent figures to Five.
Comments: 87
Kudos: 497





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hiii :) 
> 
> So I sort of started writing this for fun and to dust off my rusty writing skills while I work on another UA fic (in which Klaus is a washed-up Hollywood star to whom strange things happen, so his best friend Ben recruits his brother Diego as a bodyguard for Klaus, if anyone wants to know ;) ) but I thought I'd share it anyway because there just needs to be more fluff for the Hargreeves siblings. (and as I say this, I slowly edge away to work on my angsty fic) 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it :)

Diego had a lot of nightmares. And a lot of worries and a lot of anxiety, really. Growing up on the Umbrella Academy and time travelling to prevent the apocalypse - twice - tended to do that to a person.

However, he could faithfully say that none of his nightmares had ever included his brother showing up at his doorstep in the middle of the night, clutching a crying child in his arms.

*~*

Klaus had been able to hear and see ghosts for as long as he could remember. Thus it was safe to say that he’d gotten pretty good at tuning out his surroundings when he slept, first through the aid of drugs, lately with the help of therapy and maybe just a little weed on particularly bad days. Medically prescribed, thank you very much.

So it wasn’t all that surprising that he slept through the blue flash lighting up his apartment, and barely stirred at the thump of something falling down in the living room.

He started to stir though when something penetrated the depths of his sleep, a feeling of unease that had nothing to do with spirits. Since he’d established office hours, they had been rather well-behaved, after all.

No, it was something else that made him huff and turn around, burrowing his head in his pillows because he wasn’t ready to wake up.At first, it was low enough that he wasn’t sure if it was his imagination or the wind outside, a soft whining noise that prevented him from sinking back into the comforts of sleep and his very, very nice dream about Dave.

It was irritating and Klaus waved his hand at the air, trying to banish whatever ghost thought it would get special treatment. For a second there was silence and Klaus settled back down with a happy sigh, only to bolt upright and nearly smack himself in the face when an ear-splitting wail echoed through his apartment.

“Well, that’s not good,” Ben said from his spot in the chair by the window.

“No shit,” Klaus hissed, stumbling towards the noise while trying to blink the sleep from his eyes. The darkness of his apartment was broken by the night lights and lit up by a few ghosts here and there, hovering with concerned frowns but thankfully keeping their opinions to themselves for once. Klaus felt a moment of pride for how well he’d trained them by now.

The wailing got louder the closer he got to the kitchen, though it was undercut by hiccuping breaths, which was even more worrying. Klaus peered around the corner, eyes scanning the empty room until they eventually settled on a tiny form curled against the fridge.

“Oh nooooo.” Baby ghosts were the worst. You couldn’t reason with them, you felt bad yelling at them, and they always made Klaus very sad.

“Hey baby. Hey, hey don’t cry. Please?” Klaus said, taking a cautious step closer. The wailing stopped for a moment and the small form unfurled a little. In the glow of the night-light the boy’s eyes shone with tears, some of them falling down his cheeks as he blinked rapidly. He pressed his lips together with all his might, positively shaking with the effort to keep quiet. It was a look of determination so familiar that Klaus stumbled to a halt, mouth hanging open.

“Shit.”

Next to him, Ben hissed in a breath.

“Ben, I didn’t….I didn’t sleep walk and got high, did I?” Klaus asked, trying to keep his voice even despite the hysteria trying to claw its way out through his words.

“Uh. No.”

“Shit,” Klaus repeated with conviction, which elicited a whimper from the boy.

“Do something, you idiot!” Ben huffed, and when Klaus didn’t move he had the audacity to push him, air propelling Klaus forward to stumble awkwardly.

“Uh. Right. Sooooo,” Klaus turned around to Ben and whispered, “I’m really not good with children.”

Ben raised an eyebrow as if to say ‘tough luck’. His brother was so unhelpful sometimes. Turning back, Klaus crouched down because you were supposed to do that with children so you didn’t intimidate them, right? And Christ, had they all been this tiny once?

“Uhm, hi, Five.”

“How do you know my name?” The boy asked, his voice high-pitched but his tone so indignant that any lingering doubts that Klaus may have had about the boy’s identity vanished.

“That’s a good question. So, I don’t really know what happened, and I know it might sound very strange, but I’m…your brother? Klaus? Remember me? We used to play hide and seek together and you always beat me because I’d giggle and give myself away.”

Five frowned and Klaus could practically see the wheels in his mind turning. “Four?” Five whispered. Klaus needed a second before he made the connection. Nobody but their father had called him by his number in ages, but they hadn’t gotten their names until they were older, so Five wouldn’t know him as Klaus. He nodded and gave Five what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

Five blinked at him for a moment and then his bottom lip started wobbling again. It was the only warning Klaus got before he was nearly bowled over by the force of child-Five throwing himself at him and wrapping his tiny arms and legs around him like a koala. He threw a panicked look at Ben, who shrugged helplessly, and awkwardly patted little Five’s back. “I know, buddy. This is all a lot, isn’t it? But we’ll figure it out, I promise.”

How they’d figure it out though, Klaus had no idea. It was usually Five who solved these kind of things while the rest of them bumbled along. Unless… there were two Fives now? Jeez, trying to work out time travel always gave him a headache. And anyway, the more pressing matter at hand was Five crying so hard it felt like his little body was shaking apart, and getting snot all over Klaus’ favourite sleep-shirt.

Klaus wrapped his arms more firmly around Five, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. His hair smelled fruity, like children’s shampoo, and for a second Klaus found it difficult to breathe as his chest contracted.

“It’s okay. My therapist says crying is important because it can be very cathartic,” he rambled. “What I’m trying to say is, just let it all out, yeah?”

Five let out another wail before he tucked his head into the crook of Klaus’ neck, his breath hot against Klaus’ skin whenever he hiccuped. Klaus looked at Ben over Five’s shoulder, pulling a helpless face.

“You’re doing fine. He’s probably in shock,” Ben said, sitting down to join them on the floor and lifting a hand before dropping it, as if for a second he’d forgotten that he couldn’t touch Five. Klaus was getting better at making Ben corporal for longer periods of time, but somehow he had the feeling that right now it would only freak Five out more.

Eventually Five’s sobbing ceased, leaving him slumped in Klaus’ arms, sniffling occasionally.

“Better?” Klaus asked tentatively, easing his grip when Five squirmed and pulled back to look at Klaus. His eyes were swollen and his lips pursed into a pout, the look on his small face so serious that Klaus had to fight to keep the twitching corners of his eyes under control.

“Are all of you big now?” Five asked accusingly, like his siblings had grown up just to spite him.

“I’m afraid so,” Klaus said, resisting the urge to pinch Five’s cheeks. Which wasn’t easy because they were so…pinch-able.

“That stinks,” Five sulked as he curled up against Klaus’ chest.

“It does. Adulting is really hard, trust me,” Klaus sighed and absently ran a hand through Five’s hair, which was all fluffy and soft and stood up in adorable little tufts.

Five sighed, managing to appear world-weary already even though he was only…hold on.

“Oh hey Five, how old are you?”

“I’m four,” Five replied, holding up four fingers and pushing his hand in Klaus’ face for emphasis. “Can we get hot cocoa?”

Klaus blinked. “Suuuuure,” he said, glancing at Ben, who rolled his eyes.

“You don’t have any milk, dumbs. Or cocoa.”

“How about a nice cup of tea instead?” Klaus asked as he staggered to his feet, Five’s added weight in his arms screwing with his balance.

“Cocoa,” Five repeated, kicking his leg against Klaus’ hip, proving he’d always been a mean little thing.

“Okay, sure. Let’s get you some cocoa.”

“Klaus, what - are you serious?” Ben asked, watching as Klaus shoved his feet into a pair of flip-flops and unlocked the front door.

“At least put on some pants!”

*~*

“Klaus, what the hell?” Diego asked, looking like Klaus had shown up on his doorstep with three heads instead of one head and one very tiny child.

“Don’t worry, he’s not hurt. But apparently we’re scared of ambulances and sirens,” Klaus explained, gently bouncing Five in his arms. “Are you gonna let us in?”

Diego, still looking dumfounded, stepped to the side, eyeing Five like he was a bomb about to go off. Considering the things their brother had done, it was a reasonable assumption to make.

“Klaus is that…is that your child?” Diego lowered his voice on the last part, like he was an old lady in church speaking about the occult. In all honesty, Klaus wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d clutched imaginary pearls to his chest.

“Of course not, stupid, where would I get a child from?”

“You didn’t steal it, did you?”

“What? No?! Why would I steal a child?”

In Klaus’ arms, Five let out a wet sob and rubbed his nose against Klaus neck which, yeah, gross.

“Hey, Five. You remember Diego, right? I mean…uh…Number Two? A little bit dumb but we still love him?”

Five pulled back and looked at Diego with a frown. Diego, for his part, starred back, looking much like a deer caught in the headlights of a monster truck, rather than a man faced with a child.

After a moment, Five tucked his head back against Klaus’ shoulder.

“Oooooh,” Ben cooed from behind Klaus. “I think he’s shy!”

“T-that’s Five?” Diego stuttered.

“Yes. He kinda showed up at my apartment and I have no idea what happened, but he wants cocoa. So…I brought him here.”

Five perked up at the mention of cocoa, turning his head so he could look at Diego from the corner of one eye.

Faced with that expectant look and the knowledge that his character would be judged on his ability to produce a cup of cocoa, Diego nodded slowly.

“Cocoa. Right. I’ll…I’m sure Estel down the hallway has some. Why don’t you guys….get…comfortable,” he said, waving in the direction of the living room as he slowly backed away before bolting for the door, probably to freak out in peace and quiet.

Klaus really couldn’t fault him. As long as he brought back cocoa.

“Alright, let’s get comfortable,” he decided, attempting to pry Five away from him and set him down on the couch, only to discover that toddlers had super strength, if the way Five was clinging to him was any indication.

“Okaaaay.” He sat down himself instead, his chance of freaking out quietly in Diego’s bathroom moving far far into the future, as Five settled in his lap. He rubbed a his little fist against his eyes tiredly and yawned, and Klaus made a high pitched noise in the back of his throat. Ben was peering over Klaus’ shoulder from behind the couch, whispering ‘I know!’ In the most dreamy voice. Five was just too adorable in his little pyjamas, with his messy hair and his tiny, tiny fingers that Klaus inexplicably wanted to kiss, one-by-one.

He decided that for tonight, focusing on the cuteness overload was the way to go. In the morning they’d call in the cavalry and hand this over to their better-adjusted siblings, who were clearly equipped to deal with this sort of crisis in an adult manner.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your kind comments on the first chapter <3 They really, really mean a lot to me, especially as I'm getting back into writing after a long time. And oh, I've missed it so much! 
> 
> A little disclaimer, I haven't finished S2 yet, so this is written without any knowledge of it :)

2 Five going on Four 

“Creepyyyyy,” Ben sing-songed from behind them. 

“Shush. You’re ruining the moment,” Klaus hissed, which prompted Diego to shush him in return. 

“He’s so adorable,” Klaus whispered, all three of them holding their breath when Five scrunched up his nose and shifted, nuzzling the pillow with a sigh. Klaus lifted the camera to take another picture. Wasn’t it wonderful to have something that served as a treasured memory, and blackmail material at the same time? 

“It’s really…sweet,” Diego said, voice full of disbelief that he’d referred to his brother as ‘sweet’. It had taken them the better part of an hour, and a giant cup of cocoa courtesy of Diego’s neighbour - who’d been delighted to hear about his baby brother visiting - but they’d eventually gotten Five to settle down. After a hushed debate about the sleeping arrangements customary for four-year olds, they’d made a little nest in the middle of Diego’s bed, surrounded by all the pillows he possessed, to keep Five from accidentally rolling off. 

Worn out from an exhausting few hours, Five had fallen asleep with minimal fuss, though Klaus has no illusions that it would always be this easy. It was Five, after all. 

“Oh no,” Diego groaned. “Should we have made him brush his teeth? We totally should’ve made him brush his teeth, right?” 

Klaus sighed and patted Diego’s shoulder. “I’m sure one night won’t make his adorable little baby teeth rot. We’ll....buy him a toothbrush in the morning.” Which was a bold assumption to make, he realised with a pang. Maybe things would all be back to normal in the morning, as if all of this had been nothing but a strange dream that turned to smoke in the first rays of daylight. 

Klaus swallowed, because part of him didn’t want little Five to leave, which made a bigger part of him feel horrendously guilty.

“I’m just gonna,” he mumbled and toed off his shoes before curling up in bed next to Five. 

“What’re you doing?” 

“Going to sleep. I’ve had a rather emotional evening, Diego!” 

“But...that’s my bed,” Diego said, his tone of resignation already telling Klaus that he wouldn’t drag him out of bed kicking and screaming. Probably only because he didn’t want to wake Five.

“There’s plenty of space,” Klaus pointed to the rather narrow strip of bed still free on Five’s other side. If Diego lay sideways he’d fit with no problem. 

“Jerk,” Diego muttered as gingerly lay down and tried to get comfortable. 

“Don’t curse in front of the baby,” Klaus mumbled, eyes already closed and ignoring Diego when he leaned over to shove him. 

~*~

Klaus woke up to the muted whispering of ghosts, which was normal. A slight headache, which was also normal. Something warm pressed against his face, definitely not normal. 

He blinked his eyes open and lifted his head a little, trying to make sense of what he was seeing. Ben stood at the foot of the bed, shit-eating grin on his face. Diego was snoring softly somewhere to his right. In between them, Five had ended in a sprawl of limbs, his head resting against Diego’s shoulder and his foot shoved in Klaus’ face. He couldn’t even be mad about it, because baby feet were surprisingly non-stinky. 

“Have you seen those tiny toenails?” Klaus asked, reaching out and tapping a finger against Five’s big toe, watching in delight as it twitched, before Five kicked out his leg, muttering in his sleep. 

“Been a while since I’ve seen him this relaxed,” Ben said, peering at Five’s fave, slack in sleep. 

Klaus hummed in agreement as he watched Five’s lips twitch as he mumbled something in his sleep. Truth be told, he’d never seen his brother this relaxed. The carefree days of their childhood - if they had ever existed - were far beyond his conscious memories, and Five, as far as he could remember, always had a pinched look on his face, a frown as he thought about whatever kept his genius brain constantly busy. Even after the apocalypse, Five seemed in a constant state of anticipation, forever looking over his shoulder, jumping at shadows. 

As if noticing that he was being watched, Five squirmed and blinked his eyes open. Within a split second the softness of sleep cleared away from his face and he sat up, elbowing Diego in the head in the process. 

“I’m sorry!” 

The cheerful ‘good morning’ he’d been about to utter got stuck in Klaus’ throat in the face of Five’s panic. While Diego was still rubbing his head and looking around in confusion, Five had scooted to the headboard of the bed and curled up against it, his face hidden in his arms as if in anticipation of a blow. Klaus’ stomach did uncomfortable things at the thought. 

“Five, hey, listen to me alright? You got nothing to be sorry for. Whatever….whatever it was, it was just a bad dream,” Klaus tried, exchanging a helpless look with Diego. 

“But…I overslept,” Five mumbled, peeking out at them from between his hands. “It’s already light out.” 

Things clicked into place so rapidly that Klaus felt dizzy for a moment, remembering alarm clocks, a nanny shooing him out of bed at the crack of dawn, all of them sitting at the breakfast table like tiny little soldiers. Judging by the pained look on his face, Diego was remembering the same things, their endless supply of nannies before mum came along, all of them either frightened or frightening. 

“You didn’t. We all decided to sleep in,” Diego said. 

Five sniffed, looking from Klaus to Diego and back. Four years old and already so distrusting that it broke Klaus’ heart. He’d objectively known that their father’s ideas of how to raise children were terrible, and their childhoods had been somewhat fucked up. But being in the middle of it, it had just been the way things were. Seeing the effects of their father’s methods on someone else, someone much more vulnerable, was different. 

“It’s okay, buddy, I promise. Nobody’s mad, alright?” Klaus scooted closer and reached out, tentatively settling his hand against Five’s back. “Why don’t we…have waffles for breakfast?” He suggested, desperately trying to remember what Five liked, apart from coffee and numbers. He really hadn’t been a very attentive brother. 

His guess apparently hadn’t been too far off, because Five’s expression moved into one of interest. 

“With bananas and blueberries,” Diego added, and judging by the way Five’s eyes lit up, Diego had paid far more attention than Klaus all those years ago. 

“Tell you what, I’ll go make breakfast and Klaus here will take you to brush your teeth and get ready.” 

Klaus watched in open-mouthed horror as Diego, that _weasel_ , fled the room, leaving Klaus behind with an expectant Five and a sinking sense of confidence. 

“Okay,” Klaus clapped his hands together and put forth his best adult expression. “Let’s go then, teeth to be brushed and clothes to be changed, chop chop.” 

“I need the bathroom,” Five declared, and Klaus really, _really_ struggled to keep that smile on his face. 

“Do you…need help with that?” He asked tentatively. If he concentrated hard enough, he could materialise Ben, and Ben could take care of this. It was time that he pulled his weight anyway, instead of cooing annoyingly in the background. 

“No!” Five put his hands on his hips and stared at Klaus like a tiny field marshal, chest puffed out and lips pursed. “I can go by myself, I’m not a _baby_ ,” he said, as if his brain couldn’t even fathom the thought of him having ever been anything as ludicrous as a baby. 

“Oh thank God,” Klaus said, releasing the breath he’d been holding as he scrambled off the bed to show Five the bathroom. 

“I’ll wait out here, just call me when you’re finished.” And maybe, just maybe while he waited, Klaus would crack open the window in the hallway and have a cigarette. He wasn’t used to this much excitement in the morning!

“Klaus? There’s no step.” 

“No...step?” Klaus asked, looking at Ben, who peered into the bathroom with a frown. 

“Oooh you know those little step stools we had in our bathroom as kids,” he said, like Klaus could magically manifest one of those for Five to climb onto. 

“Klaus! I need to pee!” 

“Right,” Klaus muttered and took a moment to look around in the vain hope to find something, _anything_ , to serve as a substitute, but of course he came up empty. Who owned a hundred knives but not a simple step stool for kids? 

“Right,” he repeated with a nervous laugh before shoving the sleeves of his shirt up. He’d been homeless several times in his life, he’d done worse things. “Let’s do it.” 

“I gotta see this,” Ben cackled as he followed along. 

~*~ 

Half an hour and a few minor traumata later, Klaus led a freshly washed, combed and tooth-brushed Five into the kitchen, where the sweet scent of waffles immediately soothed his frazzled nerves.

“You need a step stool,” Klaus declared as he made a beeline for the coffeemaker. 

“I need a ... what the hell, is that my shirt?!” Diego asked, looking at Five and his newly fashioned outfit with his mouth hanging open. 

“Yes. I think we did a really good job, don’t you? Give us a twirl, Five,” Klaus said, giggling when Five did so with an expression that suggested he considered this the worst form of torture. 

“I need shoes! And socks!” 

“Yes, yes, we’ll get those later. It won’t hurt you to go barefoot for a bit and connect to the earth. Also, I find it strange that you prioritise shoes over underwear. Not that I don’t support that, I just didn’t think you’d be type.”

Five’s glower matched Diego’s, who didn’t seem to appreciate the dress shirt Klaus had cut and cuffed and belted, so it fit Five like a mini-business-toga. 

“That was my one good shirt,” Diego hissed. 

Klaus took a sip of coffee and shrugged. “I know. And Five refused to wear anything without a starched collar, so here we are.”

“The fuck am I supposed to wear to...important things now? Like...job interviews and shit?” 

“Got any job interviews lined up?” Klaus asked, raising an eyebrow to drive home how moot this point was when Diego huffed and crossed his arms in front of his chest. 

“By the way, you do own a disproportionate amount of black leather. I borrowed some,” Klaus said, looking down admiringly at the leather pants he’d put on. They fit him surprisingly well, even if they did end up way above his ankles. 

He got a cigarette out while Diego went into a quiet, apoplectic rage, only to be hit in the shins by a rather solid weight. 

Five plucked the cigarette straight out from between Klaus’ fingers, looking at him with such a thunderous expression that Klaus actually shrank back against the kitchen cabinet. 

“Those are bad!”

Klaus watched, caught in a strange whirlwind of horror and amusement, as Five painstakingly pulled the cigarette apart and threw the pieces on the floor, before stomping his foot and scowling up at Klaus. It had the overall effect of making him look like a very upset kitten, and yet Klaus squirmed in discomfort because he’d never felt this put on the spot before. 

“I’m…sorry?” He said while Diego coughed, though it sounded suspiciously like a cover up for a laugh. 

Five nodded, but when Klaus thought himself off the hook, the boy’s sharp gaze turned to the packet of cigarettes on the counter. 

“You need to throw them all away.” 

“Suuuuuure,” Klaus said, fingers twitching. “I will. After breakfast.” 

Five’s lips pursed. “Now.” 

“Look, I’m not gonna be blackmailed by a munchkin-“ Klaus said at the same time as Five went “Now!” and stomped his foot again, like the tiny tyrant he apparently already was. Any other time, Klaus would’ve been happy to open up the ring for a discussion, but he wasn’t about to provoke a temper tantrum in an already traumatised four-year old. 

“Alright, alright, calm down, kitten,” Klaus raised his hands in defeat before grabbing the cigarettes of the counter. “I’ll flush them down the toilet, that good enough for you, my healthy little Prince?” 

He bowed when Five gave him a magnanimous nod, before stalking from the room, shooting Diego and Ben the middle finger when Five couldn’t see. 

“This is the best day of my life,” Ben wheezed. 

“He’s quite a bossy little thing, isn’t he?” Klaus asked as he locked himself in the bathroom and stuffed the pack of cigarettes down the front of his pants before flushing the toilet. He wouldn’t put it past the little shit to be listening at the door. 

“Yes. But he’s got you whipped,” Ben said as he leaned back against the door, lips quirked into a grin. 

“Obviously,” Klaus replied because how could anyone not love little Five? Not that he hadn’t always loved Five, because he had. He loved all his siblings, even though he was terrible at showing it, but he cared about them. He’d hardly ever experienced what love should feel like, but he was sure that what he felt for them was as much love as he was capable of. 

But little Five was…something else. It was easier to openly give his affection to that little boy, who was so self-assured and insecure at the same time. 

“C’mon, if we’re lucky he’s chewing Diego out for his table setting,” Klaus mumbled as he left the bathroom to return to the kitchen. Diego had built a makeshift booster seat out of books stacked on a chair, and Five was throwning atop of them, shovelling his breakfast down at rapid speed. 

“Slow down, little man. There’s more where that came from,” Diego chuckled, glancing up when he spotted Klaus and moving to prepare a plate for him. 

“Didn’t know you were so domestic,” Klaus said as he sat down next to Five. 

“Not all of us live like heathens,” Diego muttered as he sat the plate down in front of Klaus. The blueberries on his waffles were arranged into a smiling face, and Klaus was taken aback by the sudden pang of nostalgia washing over him. Mum had always prepared their breakfast like that, cheerful little faces starring up at gloomy little children. She’d worked hard to brighten up their days with little things like that. 

“Hey Five, how about we go see our other siblings and mum after breakfast?” 

Five looked up, cheeks bulging out as he chewed rapidly. “We have a mother?” 

“Oh right, you haven’t met her yet,” Klaus said. “You’ll like her.” 

“Yeah, she’s awesome,” Diego agreed. “The others will be there too,” he said, looking over at Klaus. “I called ahead. The uh…other one has disappeared,” he added, glancing meaningfully at Five, who’d started to push the last bites of food around on his plate with a frown. 

“You okay there, buddy?” 

Five bit his bottom lip and glanced over at Klaus, before quickly looking back to his plate. “You….you’ll stay with me, right?” 

“Of course I will, munchkin. Don’t you worry, Diego and I won’t leave you alone.” 

Five looked at Diego for confirmation, and when Diego nodded, his shoulders dropped. “Okay. We can go then, I suppose.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, feedback is hugely appreciated and prompts for little Five scenarios are very welcome!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your lovely comments on the last chapter! 
> 
> This chapter was mostly written on my phone in between wedding preparations - not my own but that of my cousin where I had the honour of being best-woman ^^ So please ignore eventual typos and the likes...

“You ready?” Klaus asked, though the baby arms and legs holding onto him with all their might told him that Five was anything but ready. 

“Of course,” Five muttered against Klaus’ neck. 

He’d made it all the way to the front door of Diego’s apartment, before his barefoot existence had become too much and he’d refused to even put his a toe out onto the ‘filthy street’. Consequently, Klaus had found himself lugging 40 odd pounds of child back to the academy, with Diego being exceptionally unhelpful, despite being in possession of significantly more muscle mass than Klaus. 

“You’re his mother now,” he’d whispered with a smirk when Klaus had pointed out how said muscles were going to waste. Klaus had decided to safe the lecture about gender roles and how fathers could chip into childcare for a later point, when his arms were not about to break off. 

“Diego, would you kindly open the door for us, or are you too manly for that too?” Klaus asked with a sweet smile that had Diego rolling his eyes as he wrenched open the door with his usual lack of finesse. 

“We’re here!” 

Klaus stepped into the house after Diego. Maybe all the times he’d been accused of liking to make an entrance actually held a grain of truth, because he certainly enjoyed the gobsmacked expression on their sibling’s faces. 

“Hey Five, you wanna say hello? I promise they’re all gonna be nice. If not, Diego will bite them. Right, Diego?” 

He hadn’t missed the way Diego had moved closer to them, as if he was a second away from stepping between Klaus and Five and the rest of their siblings. Which was ridiculous, they were family after all. It was still nice, though. 

“I totally will,” Diego said sagely, which seemed reassuring enough for Five, who turned his head a little and peered at the siblings he probably didn’t recognise in their adult bodies. 

“Hello,” he mumbled, giving them a lacklustre wave. 

While Luther looked like a confused puppy and Vanya looked plain uncomfortable, Allison was the first one to recover and step closer with a smile. 

“Hey Five. It’s nice to see you. That’s a very stylish outfit you’re wearing.” 

Klaus couldn’t help but preen, looking over at Diego with smug smirk because it had been proven once again that his brother had no fashion sense and Klaus’ taste and skills were superior by far. 

“Klaus made it for me,” Five said, relaxing a little in Klaus’ arms. “But we’re gonna go buy shoes later.” 

Right. The lack of shoes was still a problem. Then again, Klaus had no objections to going shopping. Shopping was fun and shopping for a toddler was going to be even more fun! 

“That’s a good idea,” Allison nodded. “Have you had breakfast yet?” 

“Yes. Diego made it and it was really good,” Five said, making Klaus rather proud of how good a pair of parents him and Diego made. 

“Good. Do you wanna sit down with all of us and maybe we can find out what happened?” 

Five sighed and nodded. “If we must.” 

Klaus bit his bottom lip and shared a grin with Diego. It was so much more amusing when Five’s snark was aimed at someone else. 

~*~ 

“Okay. So we know that we…don’t know anything,” Vanya surmised the past half an hour, in which they’d tried to figure out what had happened to Five, who couldn’t remember anything except going to sleep and waking up in Klaus’ kitchen. 

“As always,” Diego supplied while Klaus watched Luther dutifully carry Five around and lift him up when he wanted to have a look at one of the books high up on the shelves. When he deemed a book interesting enough, Luther got it for him and brought it over to the table, where an impressive stack was already towering. 

It was a fair thing to point out though, because most of the time they did have absolutely no idea what was going on, with Five being the only one with even a bit of a plan. Klaus was fairly certain that current Five’s plan extended to getting all the books he wanted and consuming his body weight in cocoa. Even though Allison said he could only have one cup and yeah, good luck with that, supermum. One shy little smile and one disappointed look from those huge baby-eyes and she’d be a goner. 

Speaking of mothers, Klaus raised his head when he could hear the tell-tale _clack clack_ of mom’s heels on the floor. Rounding the corner she looked impeccable as always, a smile on her face and a tray of food in her hands. 

“Good morning, children. I thought everyone could use a snack,” she said as she put the tray down. “Five, darling, I made you a peanut butter sandwich.” 

Klaus watched as the suspicion melted right off Five’s face, as he looked at a sandwich that made even Klaus’ mouth water. Mom had always made the best food. Klaus wasn’t just saying that because he’d gotten used to dumpster-diving as an adult, because he’d just as often eaten in fancy restaurants (and dashed), but nothing had ever compared to mom’s food. It wasn’t so much that it tasted good (which it obviously did) but that it made you feel right at home. Maybe mom was a food witch. 

“Five,” Allison said, and Klaus felt himself immediately straighten at the sheer mum-power she projected in that one word. Five stopped chewing for a second, already half-way through his sandwich and cheeks bulging like those of a hamster, to watch as Allison gazed meaningfully between him and mom. 

“Thank you?” He tried after a few seconds, before he resumed chewing. 

“Are you trying to instil manners in him?” Klaus whispered, in awe at the very idea of it. 

“Somebody has to,” Allison huffed as she produced a napkin and went to wipe Five’s fingers, where he’d gotten peanut butter on them. “We really need to get you some proper clothes,” she said.

“I’ve already looked through our rooms, there’s nothing that’ll properly fit him. We’ll have to take him shopping,” Vanya said, her voice having the same effect on Five as a bucket of water on a kitten. 

He bristled and squirmed away from Allison’s attempts to clean him up. “Klaus and Diego can take me!” He declared, scrambling up the couch and onto Klaus’ lap, leaving a peanut butter handprint on Klaus’ shirt. 

Diego looked up from his own sandwich, eyes widening as he chewed frantically to swallow. “Wha’?” 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Allison groaned. 

“Five did so too.” 

“Are you telling me you’re really four years old?” 

“Oh wow, Allison is our mother now,” Klaus whispered as he watched the exchange, unperturbed by Five wiping his hands clean on his shirt because it was beyond saving already anyway. 

“Can we get socks when we go shopping?” Five asked, frowning at the offensive sight of his naked toes and wiggling them against Klaus’ thigh. The sight was too irresistible and Klaus reached out to pinch Five’s toes, which elected a disgusted noise as Five tried to wriggle away. 

“We can get you socks, but don’t think I won’t admire your little toes any chance I get.” 

“You’re dumb,” Five huffed, crossing his arms in front of his small chest and hiding his face against Klaus’ shoulder. 

“Aw, don’t be mad at me now, buddy,” Klaus said, shaking his arm a little. “I’ll get you all the socks you want, I promise. How about we even buy Diego socks? The only ones he has are black and full of holes. And they stink like old cheese.” 

Five peeking up at Klaus with a grin on his lips was worth Diego’s indignant “Hey!” and the balled up napkin he threw at Klaus’ forehead any time. 

~*~ 

“Go take the kid shopping, they said. It’ll be fun, they said,” Klaus mumbled to himself as he shuffled after Diego, who was trying to navigate the cart through the store in pursuit of Five. 

“I mean have you seen all those _adorable_ baby clothes? So many adorable clothes and I’m not allowed to get any of them!” 

Ben sighed and patted Klaus’ shoulder, which was akin to cold air slapping him. “I know. I really wanted to see Five dressed in a dinosaur onesie too.” 

“Right?” Klaus sighed, the word turning into half a wail as his eyes fixed on Five. Why was this _happening_ to him? 

“Five, darling, my little munchkin, are you sure?” Klaus asked as he crouched down in front of Five. “I mean, your choices are your own, of course, and I’d never judge you for them but-“ His gaze turned to the value pack of plain, white underwear that Five was holding out. “Underwear is meant to be fun. You could think of it as….as your colourful little secret.” 

Five scrunched up his nose as he looked from Klaus to the underwear. “I don’t really care for colours.” 

“No, no, listen to me,” Klaus said, taking Five’s shoulders and starring into his eyes to make it clear how serious this was. “Diego wears underwear like that.” 

“Hey! I don’t know what your problem is.” 

Klaus waved his hand behind himself to sush Diego. “You’ve seen how Diego dresses. Do you really want to declare your allegiance to that?” 

“You know what? Fuck it. I give up,” Diego muttered while Five looked between them. 

“Fine. We can get one fun pair,” he said, like a tiny emperor bestowing unbelievable riches upon his subjects. Klaus wasn’t going to fall for that so quickly. Not anymore, not where glitter was concerned. 

“Two,” he negotiated, raising an eyebrow. “And we’ll go for ice cream afterwards.” 

Five pursed his lips. “Three scoops?” 

“Woah, hey, no, you’ll make yourself-“ 

“Deal!” Klaus beamed, high-fiving Five, while Diego threw his arms up in defeat. 

“I swear, I’m not going to have an ounce of sympathy for either of you if you get sick.” 

Klaus rolled his eyes. “Stop acting like we’re amateurs, Diego. We can handle our ice cream, right Five?” 

Five nodded, his little chest puffing out as he starred up at Diego, daring him to say anything against it. 

“If you puke in my car, I’ll make you walk home,” Diego said, pushing the cart towards the checkout. 

“We’re not gonna puke,” Klaus huffed as he took Five’s hand and pulled him along to the fun section of the store. 

~*~ 

“I’m gonna puke,” Klaus whined, slumping in his chair. Next to him, Five was looking decidedly pale. 

“I told you,” Diego, the smug bastard, had to rub it in, sitting there with a self-satisfied smirk after eating one scoop of ice-cream like an absolute _bore_. But what did Klaus expect of people who bought their white underwear in bulk? 

Klaus blinked and looked down when there was a tug on his sleeve. Five blinked sluggishly. 

“Klaus? I don’t feel so well,” he mumbled and sounded so pitiful that Klaus felt a million times worse, which should’ve been impossible considering how bad he already felt. 

“I know, pumpkin, I know. But Diego will get us home and mom will have some medicine and then we’ll be fine in no time, alright?” 

“Nope. You’re not setting foot in my car. I told you.” 

Klaus blinked, mouth hanging open. “But…Diego! Diego, you can’t just leave us like this.” 

“Watch me. I’ll take your bags back home, you can take the bus,” Diego said as he got up and put on his sunglasses. 

“Are you serious? You can’t....look at him! Look into those kitten eyes!” Klaus pointed at Five next to him, pinching his side to make him sit up straight and look up at Diego. With his dishevelled hair, pale skin and slightly pouty lips he really made a pitiful sight, which stopped Diego on his tracks. Klaus could practically see the moment Diego admitted defeat, his shoulders dropping with a sigh. 

“Fine. But you’ll be holding a puke bag and if you puke you’re going to puke into the bag.” 

“Yes yes, fine, we’ll puke into the bag,” Klaus agreed readily as he got to his feet. 

“I’m serious. If you don’t, I’ll make you clean my car.” 

Five, having no concern for Diego’s car or the cleaning of it whatsoever, made a disgruntled noise and held up his arms. Klaus starred back at him, feeling his stomach rebel even more at the thought of having to carry all that weight. Not to mention if Five puked on _him_. He’d hate to see the shirt he borrowed from Diego ruined. 

A low whine in the back of Klaus’ throat had Diego looking over, like the well-trained brother he was, and roll his eyes. 

“Fuck’s sake,” he muttered as he stalked over and lifted Five into his arms with more care than his huffing and puffing attitude suggested. Five wrapped his arms around Diego’s neck and rested his head on Diego’s shoulder with a weary sigh. It made Klaus wish that he was small and had someone to carry him. And rub his back. 

“Mom is gonna make you feel better in no time. Her medicine never tastes nasty either,” Diego said as he carried Five to the car. 

“P’mise?” Five mumbled, his eyelids fluttering slowly. 

“Pinkie swear,” Diego promised, gesturing for Klaus to open the car door and carefully depositing Five on the backseat. “Klaus will sit with you. Just close your eyes and relax and we’ll be home in no time.” 

Klaus waited until Diego had closed the car door before hugging him tightly. 

“What the fuck?” Diego spluttered, doing a weird shimmy as his instincts went into flight mode, before he settled down and awkwardly patted Klaus’ back. 

“You’re such a good father.” 

“Sure. Now get in the car, Mother,” Diego said as he pulled back, not taking Klaus seriously as always. 

“You can make fun of it all you want, but we both know it is true,” Klaus thrilled as he rounded the car and got into the backseat with a groan. “We’re never eating ice cream ever again.” 

“Uh-huh,” Five agree, squirming over until he could rest his head on Klaus thigh. “Never ever.” 

~*~ 

Half an hour later found both, Klaus and Five, nestled on the couch in the living room with a blanket, a cool cloth on their foreheads and fragrant tea on the coffee table. 

“You’ll feel better in no time,” Mom said as she fluffed up the pillow behind Klaus’ head. “But I do hope you boys have learnt your lesson. Too much ice cream isn’t good for you,” she added as she turned to Five, smoothing his hair off his forehead and replacing the cool cloth. Klaus had no doubt that mom would give them all the ice cream they wanted if they asked. 

“Yes mom,” they said in unison anyway, because one didn’t simply disappoint mom. And Klaus did feel a lot better already, really. 

“You look far too smug for your own good,” Diego huffed as he flopped down in one of the reading chairs. 

“Diego! I’m sick,” Klaus gasped. “You’re supposed to pity me.” 

“After telling you several times not to eat all that ice cream? Nah, don’t think so, bro.” 

“He’s right,” Ben said from his perch at Five’s feet. 

“You all suck,” Klaus muttered, snuggling down further into the blanket, which smelled like the lemon detergent mom had used for as long as he could remember. “And you wanna know what I think?” He asked, ignoring Ben and Diego’s mumbled ‘No’ to continue. “I think you’re jealous because you want to be tucked in by mom too.” 

Diego was silent for entirely too long, confirming Klaus’ theory. 

“Mom?!” He yelled, winking at Diego. “Can you tuck Diego in too? He’s feeling left out.” 

“What? I’m not…what? No!” Diego spluttered. His protests were drowned out by the clacking of mom’s heels. 

“Of course, darling,” mom cooed as she expertly tucked a blanket around Diego and ran a hand through his hair, smoothing it away from his forehead. “You just relax, I’ll make some tea for you as well.” 

“Thanks, mom,” Diego mumbled, stopping his squirming and leaning back in the chair. 

Klaus beamed at him. Diego tried to ignore him, which had never deterred his brother. 

“Fine,” he gritted out eventually. “You were right, this is awesome.” 

“Told you,” Klaus murmured, settling down for a nice, long nap now that he’d had the satisfaction of his brother telling him he was right. He was already starting to drift off when Allison came into the room, looking at the tree of them and raising an eyebrow. 

“I’m not even going to ask,” she mumbled, turning on her heel and leaving again. 

“Doesn’t even know what she’s missing out on,” Diego mumbled, voice gravelly with sleep. 

“Uh-huh,” Klaus mumbled and closed his eyes. On the couch across from him Five was already asleep, emitting adorable little baby-snores every now and again. Klaus couldn’t remember having ever been this content in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How long until Five and Klaus make themselves sick with too much chocolate, do you think?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys! Thank you so much for your continued support and comments! I haven't gotten around to answering all of them yet but I will because they continue to make my day 💕

Klaus woke to the sounds of a gentle voice and high-pitched giggling. He’d awoken to far more alarming sounds, so he allowed himself the luxury of slowly drifting towards wakefulness. He wiggled his toes, snuggling a little further into the perfect warmth of the blanket, before blinking his eyes open. 

The lights had been turned on, so he must’ve slept the afternoon away. Diego’s spot was vacated and Five had wrapped himself up in his blanket, sitting next to Vanya who was…reading to him? 

“It’s a science book and Five is explaining it to her,” Ben said from his perch on the back of the couch. “It’s oddly endearing though.” 

“Huh,” Klaus said, watching as Vanya pointed to something in the book that had Five launch into an explanation of…birds and math? It sounded complicated, but Vanya listened with her usual patience, nodding along and acting like she was actually interested, even though Klaus knew for a fact she’d hated science as much as him. They’d both always been more artistically inclined. She’d just always been a much better sister to them then they to her. 

“You slept for ages!” 

Klaus was pulled from his musings by Five’s sweet words directed at him, and pulling his hand from under the blanket he wiggled his fingers in a wave. “I did indeed, my little Frankenstein, and it was wonderful. Besides, it looks like you’re having a good time with Vanya.” 

For a second Vanya got that look of insecurity in her eyes that hurt Klaus deep deep down, because they’d done that to her. They’d instilled that doubt, that her company wasn’t enough. He could’ve kissed Five on his chubby little cheek when he nodded enthusiastically, making Vanya smile shyly. 

“Yes. She’s smart.”

“Aw, thank you, Five.” 

Five nodded graciously, looking up when Allison came into the room, giving them all a warm smile. “Mom just finished dinner, you guys coming?” 

When good old Reggie had still been around, dinners had been a quiet, stiff affair. Things had changed since then, starting with the fact that mom always had the radio going in the kitchen, the soft notes of pop-music drifting into the dining room. Allison and Vanya were chatting as they set the table, considering which parks nearby had playgrounds that Five would like. Klaus would have to make sure his camera was charged, because he was going to get about a million pictures of Five at the playground. Purely for blackmail material, not because it would be unbearably cute or anything. 

“I only want to go to the park if there are puppies,” Five declared as he clambered up onto his chair, while Diego hovered nervously, clearly ready to throw himself to the ground and suffer head trauma, just to break Five’s fall. 

“I’m sure we’ll be able to find some puppies,” Klaus said as he sat down, rolling his eyes at Ben’s horrified “You can’t buy him a dog, Klaus!” because it was ridiculous. If anything, they were going to adopt a poor little stray who needed a loving family, because wouldn’t that be ironic? 

“Alright. Then I s’posse we can go to the park tomorrow,” Five said, looking up when mom came in with plates of food. The smell alone was enough to make Klaus’ stomach rumble. 

“There are peanut butter cookies for dessert,” mom smiled, as she sat the plates down in the middle of the table so they could all take what they liked. It was another thing that was different. With their father around, they’d all had to eat what was on their plate, no matter if they liked the food or if they were already full. He probably would’ve preferred for them to go and vomit, rather than leaving a few bites on the plate. Now, mom let all of them decide for themselves. 

Five looked at the plates before turning to Klaus. “I want chicken and potatoes.” 

Klaus looked between Five and the plates for a second before deciding that his little arms were indeed too short to reach anything, and getting his plate for him. 

“You should have some of the broccoli as well,” Luther piped up, his own plate already loaded. “It’s good for you. Mom makes it with lemon, so it tastes nice as well.” 

“I don’t like it,” Five replied with a sniff. 

“You haven’t even tried it,” Luther countered, the rest of them looking from Five to Luther and back as if caught up in a captivating tennis match. 

“No.” Five pressed his lips together as if afraid that Luther would shove a piece of broccoli between them if he wasn’t careful. 

“Just one bite, Five.” 

Five inhaled deeply and sat up to his full, unimpressive height. “You’re not my dad!” He declared, crossing his arms in front of his chest and turning to look at Klaus. “I don’t have to eat broccoli if I don’t want to, right?” 

“Um.” Klaus sat there, still awkwardly holding Five’s plate in his hand and squirming under the sudden attention and the pressure to make a _decision_. He fully agreed that in order to enjoy broccoli one needed a distinguished palate, but he could also see Luther’s point that it was healthy. Kids were supposed to eat healthy stuff, right? 

Only…he totally wasn’t Five’s dad either!

“Diego?” Klaus asked, turning to his brother, who was very clearly the father-figure in their little family. 

Diego stopped mid-bite, starring at Klaus as if he’d pulled out a dozen needles to threaten him with. “Um…I…well,” he muttered, looking around the table for help. Allison sighed and rolled her eyes, making it unmistakably clear that she thought all of them were stupid. 

“Five, if you eat two pieces of broccoli you can have a cookie for dessert, alright?” 

“I can have a cookie for dessert anyway! Mom didn’t say getting cookies was tied to eating broccoli!” 

They really should’ve known that Five couldn’t be persuaded with tricks for little kids. By the way his cheeks were turning red, Klaus could already imagine the tantrum about to happen. 

“Well you know, I happen to love broccoli,” Klaus threw in cheerfully, feeling much like an action hero throwing himself at a bomb to save the city. 

“So I’m kinda sad you are bashing my favourite vegetable,” he continued, putting Five’s plate down in front of him before piling broccoli on his own, trying not to pull a face. 

“You like broccoli?” Five whispered, the foundations of his little world clearly shaken. 

“Yes,” Klaus insisted as he shovelled broccoli into his mouth with enthusiasm, complimenting himself on his great acting skills as he chewed, watching Five’s eyes widen even more. Behind him, Ben was laughing and Klaus wished he could throw broccoli at him, but you didn’t just throw your favourite vegetable at ghosts. 

“I guess...I could have some then,” Five considered, his eyes still watching Klaus closely as if to make sure he was really swallowing. “Only because I don’t want to insult you.” 

“That’s very kind of you,” Klaus said sagely before putting some of the broccoli on his plate on Five’s. “It’s been blessed by my love, which makes it even better,” he whispered, watching on satisfaction as Five scrunched up his face and braced himself before nibbling on a piece of broccoli. 

Klaus took the opportunity to look around the table, so everyone got a chance to admire and acknowledge his wisdom and knowledge.

“I’m kind of in awe. Then again, you’ve always been manipulative,” Ben mumbled, to which Klaus could only nod triumphantly while attempting to swallow another mouthful of broccoli without gagging. 

~*~

After managing the rest of dinner without a tantrum and only one cookie for dessert (the ice cream incident still fresh enough on Klaus’ and Five’s minds that they could be reasoned with), Five started to yawn more and more frequently, until he didn’t turn the page of the book in his lap at all anymore. 

“You tired, buddy?” Klaus asked, looking up from what was supposed to become a sock but was rather turning into a scarf. 

“Yes,” Five nodded and rubbed his eyes before closing the book and scooting closer to Klaus to lean against his side. “Can we go home now?” 

Klaus had assumed they’d stay at the academy and get Five settled in his old room, so he wasn’t quite sure how to react to that request. “Don’t you want to stay here with everyone else?” He asked, unable to resist reaching out to brush messy strands of hair away from Five’s tired eyes. 

“No. I wanna go home with you an’ Diego,” Five mumbled. “It’s nicer there.” 

Klaus really couldn’t remember much from when he’d been Five’s age, but he could remember that the Academy had never felt like home. They’d only been allowed to decorate their rooms when they’d become older - though technically allowed was the wrong word, they’d simply become old enough to do it, buying posters and little knick knacks with their small allowance or, in Klaus’ case, stealing things from shops that he liked. Before that their rooms had been bare and standardised, sterile in the way dear old Reginald preferred things to be. It was no wonder that Five didn’t find the idea of returning to his lonely little room appealing. 

“Alright then. We can go back to my place,” Klaus said, putting his knitting aside so he could gather Five up. He had a feeling that despite the tiny black shoes they’d bought him, he wouldn’t be up for much walking. 

“‘Kay,” Five mumbled, wrapping his arms around Klaus’ neck. “Diego will come too, right?” He asked, looking up at Klaus anxiously. Being tired softened his edges, and looking at his little face had Klaus’ insides turn into something gooey and smooshy. 

“Sure. Why don’t you go and say good night to everyone and I’ll get Diego to pack up our stuff?” Klaus suggested, setting Five down and giving him a little nudge towards their siblings when he stalled. It was rather sweet, how sleepiness brought out Five’s shyness. 

Diego was locked in a game of Mario Kart with Luther, so Klaus leaned over the back of the couch so their cheeks were almost touching. “Hey daddy.” 

“Holy shit!” Diego nearly threw the controller across the room. “Fuck’s sake, Klaus! I was just about to win!” 

“Never,” Luther gloated as he brought his car over the finish line. 

“Just wanted to let you know that our son has decided it’s time to go,” Klaus grinned. 

“What the hell?” Diego asked, looking at Five who was standing in front of Vanya with his hands linked behind his back, bouncing on the balls of his feet. 

“Yup. He doesn’t want to stay here tonight, he wants to go back and he wants you to come along. I’ll give you the choice between your place and mine though,” Klaus said. 

Diego was silent for a moment as he watched Five, his shoulders dropping. “Alright, fine. Let’s go back to mine, your place smells like patchouli.” 

“There is nothing wrong with patchouli. It’s very soothing and uplifting,” Klaus huffed before leaning in to hug Luther from behind. “Night, big guy.” 

They said their goodbyes and gathered together Five’s things, which had magically spread from the shopping bags all over the room. Klaus left it to Diego to carry Five this time, because he was already botched down with bags. 

“Buddy I promise, one book is enough. We’ll come back here tomorrow and you can pick a different one if you finish this one,” Diego said as he carried Five outside, before he could insist they take the twenty books he had picked from the library. 

“But then I get to take two home tomorrow,” Five bargained, despite being half asleep against Diego’s shoulder already. 

“Deal,” Diego agreed. 

Back at Diego’s place, Diego went about making cocoa for Five, while Klaus emptied the contents of the shopping bags in search of the pyjamas they’d bought for Five. 

“Right, big guy. You want the ones with the stars or the really exciting blue ones?” He asked, feeling robbed once again that he hadn’t been allowed to purchase a single pair of exciting pyjamas, like the ones with dinosaurs or unicorns on them. 

“It’s not stars, it’s the solar system!” Five huffed. “And I want those.” 

“Sure, your majesty,” Klaus mumbled before another thought hit him like a freight train. “Um, why don’t you read a bit and I’ll see how Diego is getting on with that cocoa?” He asked before high-tailing it to the kitchen. 

“Diego? Diegooooo,” Klaus hissed, nearly barrelling into his brother who looked ridiculously concentrated, as if making cocoa was rocket science.

“What? Is something wrong? Is he sick? Did he hurt himself?” Diego asked. 

“No, no nothing like that. Well. Sort of,” Klaus groaned, flapping his hands. “Do we….do we have to give him a bath?” He whispered. 

Diego’s eyes widened, the same horror that Klaus felt reflected in them as he looked from Klaus to the living room and back. 

“I…shit. Can he bath himself, you think? Or is he gonna drown? But I mean, how hard can it be?” 

“I don’t know. You’re the daddy, you’re supposed to know these things,” Klaus wailed, raking a hand through his hair. 

“What? No! You’re the mum! Mum’s do the bathing and all that stuff, everybody knows that!” 

“Oh so what, we are going to turn into one of those boring, gender-confirming families?” 

“Yes,” Diego huffed, crossing his arms in front of his chest and starring Klaus down. 

“We’re not done talking about his,” Klaus hissed, though right now they had more important matters at hand. “Can we just give him a washcloth?” 

“I…don’t own a washcloth.” 

“Okay. Right. Fine. We’re just gonna…..ooooh,” Klaus said, once again amazed by his own mind. “We could buy him swim trunks tomorrow. That would totally work, right? Then he can have a bath and smell all baby fresh, and all of it without any of us getting traumatised.” 

“It’s…not a bad plan,” Diego nodded, while Ben the grumpy little ghost, huffed and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“You two are ridiculous.” 

“Ridiculously awesome,” Klaus beamed, clapping his hands. 

He was nailing this parenting thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up....will there be puppies at the park???

**Author's Note:**

> Would love to hear what you guys think of this! If there are any things you'd like to see in later chapters, I'm taking prompts ;)


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